Ring the bells that can still ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in
Anthem by Leanord Cohen
There are places I just don’t want to go.
Painful, achy, awful places,
where my world seems to constrict to a tiny, confined space,
and I could be trapped in that hurting place, forever.
Those are the cracked places, and we all have them.
Places we’d be happy to never visit again.
The sick pain of your breakup.
The terrible, nauseating pain of the times you lost your temper
and said awful words to people you love.
The bundle of beliefs, gathered here and there,
from encounters and from media,
that your human body, so perfectly imperfect,
is deeply disgusting,
and the lingering distasteful feeling when you see
your reflection in the mirror.
Not good enough.
These cracks, these jagged, sore, maybe-still-bleeding edges.
That is where the light enters.
That is where the transformation occurs.
That is precisely where our soul power lies, on the other side of broken.
On the other side we are whole again. We. Are. Whole.
What a blessed relief, what powerful medicine for the splintered soul.
We are still whole.
But. We must pass through the cracks...
Our suffering is our doorway to ourselves.
The most secret joys of the spirit lie
through those aching cracks.
The instinct to turn away can seem automatic,
but it’s not. It’s learned.
The broken parts of ourselves, like small, frightened children,
They need to be picked up, held close, and loved.
And instead we are trained to ignore them, and deny them.
“You’re not accepted,” we tell them. “I can’t feel that way.”
“It isn’t allowed.”
Has our society forgotten what it is to be human?
We are not perfect. We are not machines that look like dolls.
We are living, breathing, bloody-heart-beating humans,
souls crying out for grace,
bodies longing to stand on the bare earth,
minds that could be unbounded by limiting beliefs,
and with rough, raw edges, desiring to rub up against
all the experiences of life, without holding back.
We are each of us unique, and powerful without measure.
Our truth is withheld from us, and we don’t claim our birthright
as masters of our own reality.
We allow ourselves to stay in the boxes society places around us.
We are taught to fear our dark, wild places,
when the reality is,
they are the CRACKS IN OUR PRISONS.
Step into and step through,
and be born into something whole,
something wild and free.
Step through into all that you truly are.
You are everything.
Don’t be afraid.
Just open up to your experience.
Your WHOLE experience, and when the raw places ask for attention,
then turn towards them, and dive in, and pass through to grace.
I don’t say it will be easy.
Your broken places may be many, and feel too overwhelming to face.
Believe me, I know how painful it can be. How overwhelming.
Ask for help.
Don’t force yourself to do it all at once.
Just dip your toe in the crack and then retreat, if that seems all you can handle.
Then go back the next day, and the next.
It’s not an instant fix, this visiting our cracked places.
Think of it instead as a quest, a journey of healing.
The painful places show us what way to head.
The journey is in figuring out the way to make it through.
When you do, and once you start to make your way through the pain,
you will find yourself in a place of more happiness and joy
then you ever thought possible
when you were still inside the box,
pretending to be a perfect machine.
You can do this! You aren’t reading these words by chance.
The Universe wants you to know you are fully supported and guided
on your healing journey.
Just follow the light shining through your cracked places.
The light is calling you home, to yourself, to your true,
beautiful, shining self.
You are so loved and so beautiful.
Your existence matters to all of creation.
Your journey through your dark places to find light
will increase the measure of light in this world.
Creation is so grateful to you, darling, to YOU.
white light blessings,
“Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.” -Andrew Boyd
Keeping an open heart in the face of life's pains...hurts. No doubt. The world's pain is not separate from the pain of each of our hearts, although we may sometimes think so. Some deeply sad events unfolded in the lives of people close to me, these past days...and, their sadness touched me. The instinct is to turn away...but Rumi famously advises that we turn towards the wounded place...as this is where the light enters. So, I found myself feeling grief, for people I love, who were hurting...yet not owning the grief. Not my grief...no.
Grief felt like a force...like the rain. A force of nature that comes, stays til it has spent itself, and then moves on. It had a weather-like quality to it...not solid at all. Being soft and allowing the grief in, although it hurt...felt strong. It felt like an act of love. Because...this is being human. It's not a solitary act...We are all in this together.
Opening the heart in the face of sorrow is an act of bravery....of radical courage...and this is exactly what the world needs. So I'm challenging myself...to keep my heart open. Even when it wants to close. Especially when it wants to close.
Can you feel it? <3
So much love,
I used to hate myself. I mean, flat out, look in the mirror every morning and tell myself, "I hate you, you fat, ugly, worthless piece of refuse. you are nothing, and worse than nothing. you are a pathetic little..." STOP! You probably don't want to hear that, right? because it is depressing, it is painful, and it is just plain awful.
I can't believe i used to do this to myself! and yet, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. because i just plain didn't like myself. i didn't feel comfortable in my skin. i didn't want to be myself--I wanted to be someone else! I had it all figured out. I knew just who I wanted to be. Someone thin, and beautiful, with a lot of friends--because my younger self thought that happiness was an external thing. Like, it depended on how you looked, or how many friends you have. I feel so much compassion for that self, now. She was looking for happiness in all the wrong places.
And when I stop to reflect on where I am now, in a place where I am so open to spirit, so madly in love with the person that I am today, and the world around me, I feel awed. This is an unbelievable transformation. I feel so grateful to be here, today, able to share with you my experiences.
But this is a big story. A spill-your-guts, talk your ear off story, possibly. How do you go from one extreme to the other? I'll tell you. Gradually. One step at a time. It takes time. A lot of deep shifts had to happen. And yet, all those little steps added up to one colossal transformation.
What were the steps? you wonder. How did it happen?
I can remember the exact moment that I first began to release my self-loathing and negative beliefs. they were so deeply ingrained! i didn't even know they were there. it's like having dark glasses taped over your eyes, and thinking they are a part of you. suddenly they were lifted off, and i could see, so clearly, with eyes of love.
it was at a meditation retreat. i was in my early twenties. I had graduated college, not out of any real passion, but because it was expected of me, and i didn't know what else to do. a passion for travel had inspired me to spend a year living in france, and a year backpacking around Europe. I was looking for something, though I didn't know what. my boyfriend of seven years, my first love, had just left me to join the peace corps.
it was one of the low points of my life, though it was going to get worse soon. i didn't know that, though. i just knew i yearned with all my heart for inner peace, and a release of all my suffering. my mom suggested i try a meditation retreat. i was like, sure, why not? when i got to IMS, i was taken aback by the realization that i was not allowed to talk for the next seven days. i had committed to spend 7 days, in silence, with my thoughts and feelings. scary. very, very scary. but i'm a stubborn one, so no way was i backing out. i sat with it. i breathed in, breathed out. i cried, and i felt like i was going to go crazy, and i did not.
i stuck with it some more, and on the fifth day, after all of the inner turmoil, i remember sitting in my chair, and suddenly i could see this light entering my body. was i going crazy after all? if so i did not mind, because that light--it was so beautiful, glowing brightly golden, and so comforting, and loving. it sank in to my chest, and ran all through my body, till i was illuminated, glowing from within. i didn't realize this at the time, but it was the Universal Life Force, which i had somehow released, since i am a natural healer. the light brought me to a state of calm and clarity that was such a relief! i realized that all of my bad thoughts and feelings about myself were in my power, and i could choose to let them go.
i remember being flooded with tears, as i released the reality of self hatred. when i went home, after the retreat, everyone told me how different i seemed. so happy, and at peace with myself. and i was. it was a true breakthrough, and it stayed with me. however, this was far from the end of my healing journey. looking back, i see now that it was the beginning.
opening myself up to the possibility of change, going deep, and accepting the light of grace that the universe sent in that moment--that's what opened the door for me. i'm so glad i decided to walk through.
...to our newsletter,
to stay updated...
or follow along:
Hi, I'm Jessie A...
I'm an energy healer with a passion for compassion, a sparkly love affair with crystals, and a deep commitment to evolving awareness.