I was feeling so good last week, like I was on top of the world. I had just interviewed for the job of my dreams, and my optimism was untouchable...or so I thought.
Until I got the email that changed everything. My bubble of optimism popped, just like that, as I skimmed along the body of the email and learned...I didn’t get it. They had offered it to someone else. My stomach sank, along with my mood...to tell the truth, I felt just awful.
Things don’t always go the way we want. As much as we might read about the law of attraction, ultimately, some things seem to be out of our control. Deep breath...
I knew I needed to turn things around, but first, I had to deal with what was real and what was present for me. I came up with these five invaluable steps to coping with disappointing events.
One...Feel it to Heal It.
This has been one of my mantras lately. "Feel it to heal it" is simple and powerful, which according to expert Sonia Choquette in her beautiful book on manifesting, is exactly what affirmations should be, to reach the subconsious mind. I’m probably not the first to think of this affirmation, but it came to me out of thin air one day, and I really like it.
Think about it...how can we possibly hope to heal, if we don’t first stop to get in touch with how we are feeling? Suppressing emotions does no good at all in the long run.
I’m reading a book by David Hawkins, called Letting Go, that my friend Laurie Elle turned me on to, with an urgent, “you need to read this book.” In the book, Dawkins describes his simple process for letting go. It begins with allowing the emotion to come up, and run its course. He compares it to draining water; if we don’t let the water out, it simply stays, and can fester. If we do drain it, it will run itself out and then be gone. It’s a powerful process for dealing with challenging emotions. Why not give it a try?
So I let myself have a good cry, and really feel how badly I had wanted that job, and how crushed I felt at being overlooked. It hurt, more than I like to admit. And what’s more, it brought up lots of past hurt feelings I associated with it...with my fear of failing. Read last week’s post about this fear here.
So what to do with these thoughts?
Two...Let Those Negative Thoughts Go!
Be nice to yourself, dammit! Why is this so hard for us? We’ve just had a major disappointment, things feel really challenging so...let’s beat ourselves up? No! And yet, this often seems to be my first response. “You failed, how could you have been so hopeful, you should have tried harder,” blah blah blah, NOT helpful, inner critic.
So bench that inner critic, and cultivate a kind inner voice. My mom’s favorite bit of advice in these situations is to imagine we are speaking to someone else, a friend or family member, and they have just been really let down about something. What do we say to them? Kind, encouraging things! Let’s talk to ourselves in the same way, and kick those nasty negative thougths to the curb.
Three...Give Yourself Space
Hey...it’s ok to take some time to heal. I know this is the digital age and everything is instant, instant, but...we are organic, we have hearts that are really sensitive, and not getting what we want can be very painful. It’s important to honor your process, and this ties back to step one.
My urge is that I need to be better already...it’s been a few days since I got the news, but the truth is, I’m still adjusting to it. The bright shiny future I had been imagining was suddenly snatched away, and I have to re-adjust.
Buddha says that attachment is the cause of suffering, but until we are fully enlightened beings, guess what? We are gonna get caught in the trap of attachment, and it’s gonna hurt! So give yourself space to process and release.
Ok, not really, but this feels like a great time to be kind to myself; to take that hot bath, write in my journal, and listen to Snatam Kaur (who I saw in concert last night...so healing and heart opening!) Click this link to enjoy her healing sounds. Extra little things like this are very nourishing, and can help to ease the healing process. (hello, chocolate? clearly invented for these moments.)
Five...Remember What You Really Want
Mystic poet Rumi says, “let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.”
Deep breath again. So...why did I want that job? It wasn’t the exact job that I needed. My soul is on a mission, and it feels urgent, as many lightworkers report. This beautiful letter for a lightworker from the amazing Rebecca reminded me of this.
I can’t know exactly how my path will look, but I do know I’m being propelled forth by my heart. My very soul is aching to find meaningful work and be of service to humanity. My passion for compassion and awakening is so real to me, so vivid, and I long to share it with the world.
So I’ll reset my compass, and go back to the drawing board again, and keep job hunting, keep trying to manifest the career and life I truly want...because I know that I’m worth it.
So, don’t give up on yourself, but recall what your true desire and purpose is, and keep moving towards it! I have faith that we will get there, and that the journey is the important thing...
I have so much faith in you,
PS Tell me what you think! Have you experienced disappointment lately? If so, how did you deal with it? Do you feel like your soul is on a mission? <3
a familiar tension in my stomach alerted me to the facts. anxiety, present again. it’s been a frequent visitor these past days, months, years...tight belly, shallow breath, tense muscles in my neck, face, shoulders, like i want to squeeze my hands close, grip reality, shape it to a safe, controllable form. but it’s like squeezing water, it always slips from my grasp. i can’t control things, and that seems like a terrifying thought, like life is this weird flying dream, and i’m suspended in midair, with no idea how to keep from falling.
so often, i will slip into distraction. pick up a book, turn on the tv, get a snack...turn on the laptop, browse social media. not now. it’s time to face this fear. i sit down to meditate, focusing in on my belly, center of the energy of fear in my body. i listen to myself, very closely. then i can hear it, a low murmur, like the sound of whispering voices in the wind, or a quiet river in the distance. i bend closer to myself, and i hear what the voices are whispering.
“you will fail.” “you will fail, and you will always be a failure.” “you will end up miserable all your life. you will not be fulfilled.” “you will have to work at walmart and never find meaningful work.” and with the voice I see images, of dismal futures, and of young girls and women, myself, at younger ages, curled up into fetal position, terrified of life, of its wild, uncontrollable nature. i hear these young ladies, so afraid of failing, and i recognize something. they are telling stories. just stories, and i’m so surprised i murmur this aloud to myself. “stories!”
i let go of the stories, because i know stories aren’t real. they are like dreams. then it is just the frightened young women and girls in my deep self, and i start to tell them a new story. “you never failed,” i whisper to them. “you are learning and growing. this is a beautiful journey. we are creating our own story, though there are many things we cannot control, we can always choose what our story is.
so, here is our story. "i can, and i will.” i repeat that phrase, and it seems to sink deep into my belly, echoing around the frightened fragmented younger parts of myself. then i sink into body sensation, and the fear is just an energy, just tension and pressure and movement, and all at once it is moving, releasing, and i am laughing and crying, both at once, as sometimes happens when a big release occurs. i can, and i will is moving deeper and deeper within me, weaving itself into my being.
since this day, i have taken "i can and I will" as the powerful tool that it is. this affirmation helps me to fight my anxiety, to push back against the inner critic, that terrible bully that is always trying to keep me small. but that's not who i am anymore. i am someone capable and powerful (thanks Nahko, for another of my inspirational phrases.)
when i have the patience and the compassion to really be there for myself, i have the ability to release the old negative programming, and to replace it with new, loving thoughts. this practice feels like it is empowering my life! i feel a surge of beautiful hope, even in the midst of anxiety, expanding my heart mind, and helping me to let go of my fear stories, when i remember to replace negative self-talk, with mindfulness of the emotion, coupled with positive, loving affirmations. i encourage you to experiment with using affirmations. I think you will be as glad as I am to have this helpful tool to work with anxiety.
What's your experience? Have you ever tried affirmations? If so, was it helpful?
So much love,
You are enough. You, dear one, have always been enough.
Breathe that in. "I am enough."
Let all the countless times you heard, from within you or without you, No, you are not enough...let this all fall away from you now, like water moving downstream. Let yourself be washed clean of the past. As you forgive yourself and others, the beautiful natural wholeness is revealed again, as it was always there.
You have always been enough...in every moment, every situation, doing just as best as you can. And it's all arrived you here at now, this glorious moment that is always changing, always moving along into the next moment, and the next, and the next...
This is the only moment, so let yourself freely enter it, without holding back, or holding on to any more stories of "not enough." It is time, you know, time to claim your full power, without shrinking back, pretending you are not worthy...for you know, you know in your bones that you are worthy, so worthy, dear one...
Let the silent voice of your soul be heard by the world. Let your hidden beauty come out into the sun to play, life is too brief to spend in hiding. Your gifts were meant for sharing. Please share them, now.
<3 so much love,
self care arises organically when self love is realized.
self love is what happens when you remember
that you are perfect, just as you are.
Let me say that again, and notice what reaction you feel to my words.
Do you tighten in resistence, thinking,
“well, of course i am not perfect JUST as i am...
i mean, if i were smarter/thinner/stronger/more SOMETHING...then i’d be...
not perfect, but less UNperfect...”
Can you imagine softening into my words, maybe only slightly...
“Hmmm...what does it mean, perfect just as i am?”
Perhaps you feel something gentle stir deep inside of you...
some chord of Truth that you knew intimately as a child...
Yes, I AM perfect, just as i am...because i am me, after all,
and i could never be anyone else....
because I LOVE MYSELF soooooo much,
my perfect, imperfect self, fully human,
and so beautifully, effortlessly worthy of love.
JUST for being you....
Because YOU ARE PERFECT JUST AS YOU ARE.
You are the beloved child of the universe,
and you must act as mother and father to yourself, now that you are grown...
YOU must take care of yourself...
because, after all, in the deepest level of your soul...
you KNOW that you are SO WORTHY of tender, loving care...
YOU YOURSELF, as much as any other being on this planet,
deserve kind, loving attention FROM YOURSELF.
and you know what? YOU CAN GIVE IT TO YOURSELF.
of course you can, my darling. affirm it with me now...
“I am perfect JUST as I am. I want to take care of myself,
kindly, with love.”
hold the intention in your heart and mind. ask the universe and your angels
to help you if you are open to doing so.
the intention plants a seed in you, a seed that needs to be watered and cared for,
as you remember to care for yourself.
take concrete steps to bring your intention into form. write the self-care affirmation down, place it on your sacred altar, or tape it to your mirror...
let yourself be reminded of this good wish for yourself, again and again...
until it becomes a habit to wish kindness to yourself. until it feels natural to
treat yourself with the love and respect you probably already give easily to others in your life.
what does self-care mean to you? how would you wish for your dearest friend to care for themselves? picture it...imagine how lovingly each action could be performed...grooming, eating, exercising, taking time to meditate or create art or sing...acts of nourishing the body, acts of nourishing the mind, acts of nourishing the spirit.
Kind acts, directed towards the self. Because you deserve such kindness in your life...
and such kindness has far reaching consequences. it is not you yourself alone who will benefit. no. kindness, like sunlight, radiates outwards.
it touches all those who you come into contact with, and shines out to all of creation. simple kindness is enough to change the world.
self-care seems like a small thing to you now, but i tell you that small things will change the world. small acts of love will heal this world, starting with YOU.
so please, love and honor yourself with self-care, and make it a sacred practice that you set the intention to do, and put energy into practicing.
forgive yourself for the times when you forget to practice it.
it might seem silly sometimes. practice it anyways.
you have full permission from the universe to be kind and loving towards yourself, in all that you do. never believe that it is selfish. know that it is right.
care for yourself as you would care for something so precious, so worthy of love...
and realize that YOU ARE THAT LOVE.
wishing you all the happiness in the world,
so much love,
A dear friend gave me a copy of this book, A Return to Love.
This friend is helping me to see myself as she sees me...
when we look at ourselves, we are often all too critical, fast to judge ourselves.
But, if we could but see ourselves through the eyes of someone who loves us and believes in us...
oh, what then would we see?
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles", Ch. 7, Section 3 (1992), p. 190. by Marianne Williamson
You are already perfect, just as you are.
Every hair, every freckle, every wrinkle and stretch mark of your body. Perfect.
Every thought and every fear, every joy and every doubt. Perfect.
Every belief you hold dear, every thing you hold close in your heart, and never wish to release. Perfect.
Every part of you, and every one you have ever been, or will be yet. Perfect.
What does this mysterious perfection mean, that is not subject to outer or inner conditions?
It means that you are a part of this great universe, an unbroken, perfect microcosm of all-loving creation.
It means that you need never doubt yourself, or your innate goodness and wisdom.
you are one with everything, and all things are within you, and connected with you.
past the differentiation of forms, there is the perfection, and this is you. It’s who you really are, much deeper than any of the changeable outer phenomena you identify as “you”.
you are already perfect, just as you are.
This is what the wisdom traditions all point at: Jesus talks about Heaven on Earth, Buddha about the unbounded heart. This is our basic reality, on the truest level...
...to our newsletter,
to stay updated...
or follow along:
Hi, I'm Jessie A...
I'm an energy healer with a passion for compassion, a sparkly love affair with crystals, and a deep commitment to evolving awareness.